“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”
― Jim Morrison
As if last night’s practice in fear wasn’t enough, I decided to take Connor Jeeping in the desert.
Took the front top off of the Jeep, it was awesome. A bit windy, but warm and mostly sunny. Excellent!
Okay, that last statement didn’t have much to do with the whole “terror” thing, though, right? Let’s hit it.
I decided that instead of exploring new roads or heading for a hike, we would do some hill-climbing, see how high up we could get. Right off the bat I should have known this was a bad idea. I don’t like heights, I don’t always trust the off-road ability of my stock JK and I adore Connor and would protect him to the ends of the earth, so I had a vested interest in remaining safe.
I did fine going up the first hill, and didn’t feel the adrenaline until I was at the top, realizing the spine of the hill was only slightly larger than the width of my Jeep, and the way down was excessively steep. One wrong move and it was a roll down the hill.
Well we made it down okay and continued up 25 road to look for some more. We came to what was clearly a dump/shooting/play area for motos and maybe ATVs and even some crazy peeps out in their full-size. It was a small series of hills, steep and worn from rubber stroking up and down their sides. I figured, “What the heck?” so I drove up a short but steep hill. Realized most of the way up this was a mistake. I didn’t know what was on the other side! It could be a much larger drop, with no way for me to turn around! It could dead-end, or wipe out…or…or…well who knows!?
So I made the mistake of changing my mind too late. I hit the breaks, popped it into reverse, and because I was still in 2×4 I started to skid and slide backwards down the hill- not the smooth exit I imagined. My furious attempts at altering the tragectory of the Jeep were twarted- the tires were turned and stuck and sliding, sideways.
I was filled with the terror that if we slid much more to the side, we would no longer be back-side-down, but side-side-down which equals a roll. With my baby in the passenger seat and the top off and a Jeep that might be insured but certainly isn’t paid off!
It was reminiscent of the time the same thing happened but with Trinity and the trail wasn’t dirt by snow, and the incline was steeper…and we made it out okay. So I took a deep breath, patted Connor’s hand (calming him after my outburst of expletives), and drove the Jeep down the hill to relative safety.
We did do one more little hill climb, but I’d learned my lesson. Not too steep. Keep it in 4×4. If you don’t know what’s up there, don’t go there! You silly girl!
In the end it ended up being a memorable experience and Connor had a great time. Totally worth it.
PS. The desert was so green! I tried to capture it with my camera, but it sux. Sorry!